Helping Divorcing Parents Make Good Choices for Their Children

By Patricia J. Seaver, MSW, DCSW

Marriages may end but parenting does not. Children who experience the end of love between their parents require extra assurance that their parents’ love for them is eternal. Parents should be guided by these facts and give their children primary consideration both in parental behavior and as they negotiate legal matters.

A child’s need for and right to the best parenting his/her parents can offer continues throughout life. This is acutely important when a marriage dissolves. Children learn many lessons about life and relationships during the divorce process and from its aftermath. Mothers and fathers are wise to remain aware of the emotional and psychological legacy they are creating for their offspring.

Reaching an agreement about legal and physical custody, child and other financial support is a daunting task for both parents. Often there is disagreement which leads to acrimony and drawn out adversarial positions. In the heat of these intense emotions, children’s feelings may be overlooked. It takes a great deal of insight, selflessness and self control for parents to protect their children from being drawn into the crossfire.

Providing a loving, stable and age-appropriate environment involves more than logistics. Children of various ages have different requirements for emotional, social and physical comfort and security. Issues such as communication, visitation, physical custody, dating parents, school, involvement with extended family and community resources, affect each child according to such factors as age and gender.

Most parents work hard to remain civil, cooperative and tolerant. Many children survive divorce successfully and adjust well to the changes in their lives. However, even with the best intent, stress and discord may impede the agreement process. Children rely on their parents to protect their best interests and to provide the best chance for a positive outcome. When an impasse occurs it may be necessary to seek professional help.

Patricia Seaver, founder of Positive Transitions, has a career spanning 30 years in Behavioral Healthcare, Executive Management, and Life and Executive Coaching. As a licensed psychotherapist she has worked with individuals, couples and families to help improve their lives and relationships. Utilizing her expertise as a family and couples therapist and lecturer, she advocates “In the Best Interest of the Child”. Working with divorcing parents as a mediator, her goal is to assure that children and their psychological needs are well served during and after the divorce process.

Positive Transitions is a Coaching practice for individuals and groups undergoing changes in their personal and professional lives. Ms. Seaver’s experience as a clinician and executive business woman has helped many people and organizations achieve their goals for success and satisfaction.'

Ms. Seaver holds a BS degree from Cornell University and an MSW degree from Simmons College Graduate School of Social Work. She has also undertaken post-graduate training in professional Coaching and Positive Psychology.

You may contact Ms. Seaver through her website, http://www.4positivetransitions.com/

Video on Children and Divorce

What is a Guardian ad Litem?

"Guardian Ad Litem Defined"
From Cathy Meyer,Your Guide to Divorce Support.

The Guardian Ad Litem, for the purpose of pending litigation puts themselves in the shoes of a legally incompetent person such as a minor child. The Guardian Ad Litem invistigates all issues associated with the case they are assigned to and files a report with the court.

Guardian Ad Litems are usually lawyers or mental health professionals, depending on the court and the circumstances. They investigate the matter, use their own judgement in determining what is in the best interest of the child, and report their findings and recommendations to the court. In contested custody and visitation cases, courts frequently appoint a Guardian Ad Litem for the children.

If you have a case in the court that requires a Guardian Ad Litem, treat him/her professionally. Return phone calls and try to be as cooperative as possible.

It isn't easy having an outsider poking their nose into your business but, at times it is necessary. It is imperative that you get past any negative feelings or resentments you have about the situation because the impression you make on the Guardian Ad Litem could have a lot to do with the outcome of your case.To not put your best foot forward will only hurt your children.